Let Me Vanish
by momokokoro-chan
Summary: A young boy, whom was bore by accident; a gentile and loving boy. He who was raised by an unloving and non-existent Mother. He who didn't know the kindness after a scolding; he who didn't know the sun after the rain. He who was a demon. He who was forever doomed to never see the surface.


**A/N:  
**

Hi Minna! Well, before I get started, I'll list some little warnings:  
In this chapter, there is one use of 'bastard' (meant as an insult and literally) and some minor violence.

I'd also wish to inform you that I have tried to make the writing and the dialogue especially plain. Because the 'boy' has never been out of the basement, he has had no other interaction from anyone except for 'Woman'.

* * *

**Let me Vanish**

**A young boy, whom was bore by accident; a gentile and loving boy.**

**He who was raised by an unloving and non-existent Mother.**

**He who didn't know the kindness after a scolding; he who didn't know the warmth after the rain.**

**He who was a demon.**

**He who was forever doomed to never see the surface.**

* * *

_It's dark._

_It's dark._

_What else to think?_

_It's dark._

_It's dark._

_Where is the woman?_

_It's dark._

"Boy!" Screeches a voice from above. I search for the strange not-dark thing that comes when she does. I don't know what it is. I know it is not dark, though.

The not-dark thing appears, followed by the flat shoes of the woman, her dress partially covering them.

I don't know whether to say _"You are here!" _excitedly, or whether I am not excited to see the woman.

In her hand was a long thing which also had the not-dark thing on it. It looked different, though.

"Food," she spits, throwing the loaf at me.

I juggle it insecurely and drop it on the ground.

"Pathetic!" she screeches.

"A pathetic child like you can't even catch a loaf of bread! Even though you're starving to death already... insanity, I tell you."

I stare blankly at her, not sure what to say back.

"Well?" She snorts, "are you not going to pick it up? Do you want me to take it away?"

She marches over to the bread in front of me. I swipe the bread up and press it against my chest.

"No! Don't take it away!" I yell.

She scowls at me, expecting something more.

"It will take away the pain here, won't it?" I ask, pointing to the middle of the lower part of my chest.

_What is that called again?_

"You should hope so," she scowls. I cock my eyebrows in confusion.

"What does 'hope' mean, woman?" I ask.

She begins to climb back up to the not-dark thing again.

"Woman...!"

She stops climbing and peers at me with hate.

"Something you'll never experience, that's for sure."

She continues to make her way up to the not-dark thing, and there is nothing I can do to stop her. I sigh and bite into the bread she gave my, feeling unsatisfied.

_What does 'experience' mean? What does 'never' mean? What does 'sure' mean? _

I know a little bit of the sounds you make with your mouth, which Woman calls 'English'. She calls it something else... but it's hard to remember and a long sound. I want to ask her what the not-dark thing is, and why the other not-dark thing was different – but I can't. What if she says the same thing as before?

_Something you'll never experience, for sure._

I don't know what to think again.

_It's dark._

_It's dark._

_Bread eases pain._

_It's dark._

_I want to see the not-dark thing again._

_Where is Woman?_

_It's dark._**_  
_**

* * *

That boy... what do I do?

After a week of nothing to eat, and even after such an insufficient meal like grain – all he complains about is a pain in his stomach.

Why is it that that child is not rotting away already?

Well, I suppose it would be better if he didn't. After all, I would be sent to a prison if they found out I was hiding a dead child in my basement.

Stupid thing.

Why can't it just die? Just by accident?

_I have an idea._

"Bread, grain, jam, candle, mirror, carrot," I say to myself.

"Good to go."

I step into the back of the house again and lift up the hatch of the basement. I grapple the ladder and huddle the foods I had collected near my chest, placing my feet carefully on each rung.

"Woman? You are here again?" The child blankly asks again.

Useless mole. I would ask it to come help me, but with it's ankle attached to the wall by chain, there is no way it could. Useless thing.

"Yes, I am," I reply.

"Why?" It asks again.

"Shut your mouth, boy!" I yell at it. What a noisy thing.

He does as I say and stays quiet until I am able to put my feet on the dusty floor.

"Are you willing to learn?" I ask him, unable to see his face in the darkness.

"Yes!" He answers in the shrouded darkness. I sit down and lay the things I brought in front of me. I take a match I had resting on the candle's plate and struck it against the floor. I held it against the wick and lit the flame. I lifted it up and waived it left to right until I could finally see the boy's face.

As much as I hated this thing...

...it had the face of an angel.

* * *

The not-dark thing was back on the long thing, and the woman had it near my face. She looked at me in strange way. In a sad but happy way.

"_I am feeling hate right now, boy," she said. _

"_What is hate?" I asked her._

"_Hate is when you really, really don't like something."_

"_Like how I hate doing this?" I asks, scraping the blunt end of my fingers across the floor. My body goes from side to side only by a little bit - until it stops by itself._

"_Yes," she confirms._

"_Why do you hate right now?"_

"_Because I'm near you."_

_I am different now. I don't feel like I want to listen and my head hurts. I feel heavy._

"_I feel different now," I tell her._

"_I feel heavy, and my head hurts. I feel... like I am not with you."_

"_You feel sad," she tells me._

_Sad. I think that is what I feel everyday. Is that good or bad?_

"_Then... if I am not sad, what am I?" I ask again. Woman scowls like she is feeling hate again._

"_You are happy, then."_

"_What does happy make you feel like?" I ask._

"_It... it is what you feel when I give you bread or grain and the pain in your stomach goes away."_

"_Oh..." I say._

_I decided I like happy. It feels warm and like hate has gone away, too._

This thing that is not dark is something that makes me feel happy. It also makes my body feel different. The feeling draws me in, and as I get closer and closer, I can feel it more. I stick my finger out and put it in the not-dark, body-feeling-changing thing.

But it wasn't what I expected. It made lots and lots of pain. A loud sound came from my mouth and I squeezed the finger I had touched it with.

"That is pain! It makes pain!" I scream at the not-dark thing. It doesn't make me happy now. I hate it.

"Stupid boy!" She yells, "you are not supposed to touch it!"

"But why?" I ask, my mouth wobbling and my eyes making water.

"Does that thing up there-" I point to where Woman came from, "also hurt?"

"No," she answers.

"But they are the same!" I say, still feeling pain.

"No they are not."

_What? But they both are not dark!_

"This is called 'fire'. It is very hot and hurts if you touch it. That other one is called 'Light', it feels the same but is not painful," she says.

I feel happy now. I want to know more about fire and light.

"They are also different when I look at them," I say.

"They are different colours."

"Colours?"

"It's what something looks like."

Woman points to the floor and says, "brown."

I point to the plate the long this is on and say, "brown?"

"Yes."

Woman points to the fire and says, "orange."

I point to the thing around her head and also say, "orange?"

"No!" she yells, and slaps my cheek. It is painful and feels like fire, too.

"Yellow!" she says, pointing to the thing around her head.

"But fire and the thing around your head are the same!" I say, very confused.

"Both yellow and orange," says Woman, pointing to the fire.

Colours are confusing.

"Beige," she says, pointing to her skin.

I point to my skin too and say, "beige?"

"No!" she screams again. I cover my cheek with my hand because my hand hurts less than my cheek.

"No... white," she says, pointing to my skin.

She grabs my hand and puts it near hers.

"Different, see?" She tells me.

"Yes," I agree.

Woman looks around and chooses another long thing she has with her.

She points to the bottom of it and says, "orange."

She then points to the top of it, which is not solid and says, "green."

I nod as Woman taught me to instead of saying 'yes', and I pointed to something also not solid on her ear.

"Green?" I ask.

Woman moves backwards and slaps me again. What did I do?

"Do not touch!"

I nod again.

I am feeling pain again. I think I hate Woman too, but not as much as fire.

"Woman, what is 'hot'?" I ask.

"Do you feel different? Feel your feet, and they will feel different once you touch them."

I does as she says, and touch my feet. I get a surprise, and a strange feeling is there until I lift my hand.

"This is hot?" I say, holding up my hand.

"No, that is _warm_. Hot hurts. The fire is hot. Warm is what the fire is before you touch it."

I think I understand.

Woman lifts up the fire and puts it closet to my face. I move a little so it won't touch me.

"I won't burn you," she says.

"What is burn?" I ask.

"It is what happened to your finger."

She grabs my hand and points to my finger.

"Red."

I nod.

Woman gets a knife – something that causes pain – and puts it on my skin. Water comes out and it is very painful.

"Red," she says, pointing to the water.

"It is called blood."

"Not water?"

"No. Water is something that goes in your mouth and takes away pain from your neck. This is blood."

"But the water that comes from my eyes doesn't go in my mouth."

"It's not the same."

"But they look the same!"

"Those are called tears. They come out when you are really sad or hurt."

I nod. The blood is on the floor now, also.

Woman picks up another thing. The colour changes when she moves it. She puts it near my face.

The colours are different. There are eyes, a nose, a mouth, ears, eyebrows, eyelashes, cheeks, a forehead, a chin, a neck... in fact – it was face. Like Woman's but not the same. Like fire and light. The skin was white and the hair was not long, either.

"Who are you, boy?"

"I don't understand."

The mouth in the thing moves. I move back in shock. It moves back too.

"There is a person in there!" I yell, pointing at it. It points at me, too.

"It's you," she says.

"No it's not! You said there is only one me!" I say.

"Stupid! Don't quote me!" She says, and slaps me again.

_What does quote mean?_

"It is your reflection. It's not a real person. It is you."

"I don't understand."

"I know. But what colour are your eyes?" she asks.

"I don't know!" I say.

"What colour are mine?"

"...red?"

"Yes. Look at the mirror," she points to the person, "I am going to look at your eyes now."

"They are this colour," says Woman, lifting something like the thing around her head, but from her pocket.

"Blue," she says, pointing to the thing.

"Now, look in the mirror – what colour are the eyes in there?" She asks.

"...that colour. Blue..."

"See? I can't see you because it can only see what I'm pointing it to."

"Look," she says, putting it near the long thing with fire on top.

"See? You can see it in the reflection," she says.

It was amazing! What a funny thing... now I can see myself.

"What colour is my hair?" I ask.

"Pink."

I nod.

"So... who are you?" She asks again.

"I am Boy... I have pink hair, blue eyes and white skin."

"That's right."

"Who am I?" She asks.

"You are Woman. You have white hair, red eyes, and beige skin."

"That is right, too."

"Do you know what a woman is?" She asks.

"You," I say.

"Kind of."

"What do you mean? You call me boy, and I call you Woman."

"They are names."

"Names?"

"It is what we call each other. Instead of 'you'."

"So, my name is Boy, and your name is Woman?"

"No."

"Then why don't we call each other by our names?"

"Because I want to call you boy, and I want you to call me Woman."

"...why?"

"Shut your mouth and listen!" she screeches, slapping me again.

I nod.

"My name is Haku. Your name is Ai. Haku means white, which is the same colour as my hair, and Ai means Love."

"What is love?" I ask.

"Something you will _**definitely **_not experience, for sure."

I feel sad again.

"It's late. Eat your bread and I will come back much later."

"Thank you... I'm happy."

Woman's face turns to hate again.

"Shut up, you useless bastard."

She kicks me and my head hits the ground suddenly.

I'm kind of glad – now I don't have to try to go to sleep, because I already am.


End file.
